


all of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

by waywardprentiss



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post Episode: s21e13 Redemption in Her Corner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22604017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardprentiss/pseuds/waywardprentiss
Summary: "You grew a beard."Rafael laughed and looked back and forth between the two of them."What is with you two? Does it look bad?" he asks with a smile bringing his hand up to rub his cheek briefly."No! You- uh you look really good, Barba," Sonny stammered, "I mean- happy. You look really happy.""I am."
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 104





	all of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

**Author's Note:**

> you can thank raúl for this because his beautiful beard inspired it.

Rafael walks into the precinct not knowing what to expect. 

He's suprised to find it dark and quiet. It's not even 8 o'clock but it's empty.

He glances at her office and sees the light is still on.

The closer he gets, he can see she's not alone. 

Sonny Carisi is standing beside her, both of them absorbed in the files they're looking at.

Rafael knocks on the door frame and both of their heads snap up.

"Don't you both have other people you can make do all your late night paperwork now?" he asks with a smirk.

"Rafa." Liv says with a bright smile as she gets up from her chair to come around the desk to embrace him.

"It's good to see you," he replies hugging her tight.

"You too," she says pulling back and cupping his cheek. 

He turns to Sonny who had come out from behind the desk but was looking at him with a puzzled expression.

"You grew a beard."

Rafael laughed and looked back and forth between the two of them.

"What is with you two? Does it look bad?" he asks with a smile bringing his hand up to rub his cheek briefly. 

"No! You- uh you look really good, Barba," Sonny stammered, "I mean- happy. You look really happy." 

"I am." 

He reaches out to shake Sonny's hand.

"How have you been, Carisi?" he smirked again, "Or should I say counselor? Again, I'm sorry I wasn't at your first trail. I'm sure you were great."

Sonny flushed, "It's alright. Work, I get it, especially now." He said with a laugh, "Your tips helped a lot though, thanks."

"It was my pleasure." 

Only at this moment did Rafael notice they were still gripping each other's hands.

He dropped his hand and turned back to Liv.

"You still up for that dinner?" 

She smiled, "Yes, let me call and check up on Noah and get my things together and I'll meet you outside in a minute." 

"I'll walk you out," Sonny said quickly, grabbing his papers and stuffing them in his briefcase.

"We were just finishing up." He explained at Rafael's confused look.

"Alright then."

They walked out into the squad room together and Rafael asked, "Is it weird? Not being here all the time?"

Sonny suddenly looks serious, "Yeah, it was an adjustment."

He pauses before waving his hands and saying, "Ya know, didn't want anyone to feel like I was leaving them or letting them down."

They arrive at the elevator and Rafael pushes the down button.

"You have to decide what's best for you and the situation." he says watching the floor numbers glow above the elevator as it arrives on their floor.

"You have to prioritize that and not let anyone make you feel bad about your decisions." he adds looking back at him.

Sonny looks at him thoughtfully as they step into the elevator together. 

"You're right." He sighs, "Hard to do that though, sometimes." 

He pauses before adding, "Hard to be on the other side of that, too."

Rafael replies slowly, a little confused, "Are we still talking about your new position?"

Sonny just smiles ruefully at him and suddenly he's transported back to a conversation they had years ago.

-

"It's not a good idea, Carisi." he says before bringing his glass of scotch up to his lips again.

"Barba!" Sonny says loudly, annoyed.

"Keep your voice down." Rafael snaps before looking around the bar to see if anyone's staring.

"Rafael," his voice is soft now and Rafael can hardly look at him.

Sonny touches his arm, "We could be great together. Don't you see that?"

"It's just," he starts suddenly so tired he feels it in his bones, "Not a good idea."

Sonny moves closer and he can hear his voice start to shake as he whispers, "Even if we both know you feel the same? Even if we both know no one would care?"

"Sonny," he says urgently looking him in the eye longer than he had all night. "Get your head out of your ass."

He looks like he's been slapped but Rafael continues.

"Don't you get it? People will think you've slept your way to the top. That's all they'll see. Not your passion or your talent, just the fact that you got fucked by the acting ADA."

Rafael turns back to his drink so he won't see the pain on his face.

"You know it'd be more than just sex, Rafael. You and all of the people who's opinions matter the most," he says quietly.

Rafael doesn't respond and Sonny huffs.

"God, Barba, your pride is gonna be the death of you." 

Sonny pulls out some money for the drinks and lays the bills on the bar between them.

Before he stands up, he touches Rafael's wrist.

"I know you're being an asshole right now to make me mad and push me away." He takes a deep breath.

"And I get it," Rafael jerks his head up to look at him.

"I do," Sonny's face is composed but Rafael can see the anguish behind his eyes.

"The situation isn't ideal and the timing is shit. I understand. But that doesn't mean I'm not upset you won't let yourself be happy." 

"Have a good night, Rafael." He squeezes his wrist before standing up and walking toward the door.

Rafael can't help but watch him until he disappears out of the bar.

He sighs and orders another scotch.

-

"We never did talk about that, did we."

"Not really," Sonny says "Kinda just pretended like it didn't happen. Gave each other space."

He looks sad, "After awhile, it didn't seem to matter anymore."

Rafael has a sudden realization, "That was right after Sergeant Dodds died. When you said you didn't know if you wanted to be an ADA."

Sonny looks confused, "Yeah."

The elevator dings open but Rafael grips Sonny's arm.

"Please don't tell me you made that decision because of what I said that night."

Sonny gives him a sad smile.

"No, Barba. There were a lot of other things going on. I won't lie and say I didn't think about what you said but that wasn't on you." 

Before he has a chance to respond, Sonny catches the elevator door before it closes and looks at him, "Come on."

They make it outside onto the sidewalk before Rafael says, "I'm sorry."

Sonny looks at him surprised.

"I wouldn't change anything because I still believe it was the right decision at the time but I'm sorry for the hurt I must have caused you."

Sonny lays a hand on his arm, "I forgave you a long time ago, Rafael."

Rafael gives him a small smile, "I'm glad you did it in your own time. I can tell it's where you're meant to be."

Sonny flushes, "You haven't even seen me in court."

Rafael just smirks, "I can just tell. You seem happier, too."

"Yeah," he laughs "When I get more than 3 hours of sleep at night." 

"You get used to that part."

Sonny cocks an eyebrow at him, "Really?"

"No," he says with a laugh and when Sonny grins at him brightly, Rafael is struck with a sudden urge to never let him walk away again.

"Let's get dinner later this week. My treat."

Sonny smirks at him, "Aren't you already paying tonight? Sure you can handle that?"

"Oh," Rafael smirks, looking him up and down "You have no idea." 

Sonny looks taken aback before a blush creeps high in his cheeks and he smiles.

"I'd like that."

They stand there and smile at each other for a second before Liv walks up behind them.

"Ready to go, Rafa?" she asks looking between them with a knowing smile. 

"Yes," he says glancing at her briefly before staring at Sonny, "I'll text you."

"Can't wait," he replies smiling wide.

"Bye Liv," he says waving at them both before turning around and walking away.

Rafael holds out his arm and she takes it as they start walking down the street. 

He keeps staring until Sonny turns a corner and disappears from his sight. 

He hears Liv laugh.

"What?" he asks, with a knowing smile of his own.

She shakes her head and squeezes his arm, "It's about time."

"Yeah," he says thoughtfully, "I've made him wait long enough."

**Author's Note:**

> this turned out more angsty than i originally planned but i like it so hopefully it makes sense.
> 
> title is from taylor swift's song "dress"


End file.
